Thursday, March 14, 2013
80 pounds...of dung. Reflections on Missions at 2:30 AM
My son and I bought luggage today. We will carry 4 checked bags and 2 carry-on bags to the Philippines. I spread the bags out on the living room floor and began to think about what is essential for the next year or 2 of our lives. Two of the bags will carry ministry essentials and things we will give away. That will leave each of us one checked bag and one carry on- roughly 80 pounds each. If I could reduce the fruit of all my labors in life down to 80 pounds, what would I keep? What do we need?
On Saturday I will take everything I own and put it in my front yard with a "for sale" on it. I realized even if I sold everything we own it will not be enough to support us or pay for our relocation. We currently have only about 20% of what we need to relocate and to live on. This is really shocking to me as we are asking for one-third to one-half of what most missionaries live on and a great deal less than the average American lives on. And almost half the money is not even for us but for the support of the ministry.
At least once or twice a week someone will ask me "What if you don't get enough support money? What will you do?" I used to answer "I don't know. We are still praying." But now I know. Now I answer "We will suffer even more." I do not say this with piety or nobility. It is not said with a "stiff upper lip" nor with my chest poked out. Rather, I hang my head and whisper "We will suffer. The ministry will be hindered and the message of the Gospel will be restrained and we will suffer." The reality is sinking in.
People also ask me "Is it safe where you going?" This is hard for me to answer. On the island on which we will live and minister it is not safe. To the west are the Muslim separatists. They have closed four house churches last year by killing the pastors and lay leaders. To north are Maoist rebels who recently raided the Del Monte plantation and killed people. Hundreds of people die on the island every year from typhoons, hurricanes and mudslides. Robbery, murder, tribal warfare, disease…No it is not a "safe" place to be.
I have been awake since 2:30 am this morning thinking on these things. Is it wise to take my son there? What will I do when we come back and we will have nothing? How will we survive on such a small amount? What if we are killed? What if I lose my son? Should I even go if I cannot fulfill all the plans we had for ministry? You see I am not a brave man nor a man of great faith. I am just a little, foolish and fearful man. God what should we do?
I thought of the words of Peter and Christ's response from Matthew 19. "Then Peter said to Him, Behold we have left everything and followed You; what then will there be for us? And Jesus said to them, Truly I say to you. that you who have followed Me, in the regeneration when the Son of Man will sit on His glorious throne. you shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name's sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life."
I have never seen this passage so clearly before. Who would trade the paltry trinkets of this world for the throne of glory and eternal life? Oh, how foolish! Christ tells us to count the cost of the cross. Those who seek to save their lives will lose it and those who lose their lives for His sake will have life eternal. Oh the joy to say with Paul "I count it all dung for the sake of the cross of Christ."
Please do not pity me and my son. We are not worthy of your pity. Pity the poor church in America and those who fill her air conditioned walls and sit on padded pews under the illusion of safety. I feel sorry for those who have CDs, escrow accounts, and tens of thousands of dollars in the bank - so fearful to let go of it that they may never get it back. Have they not read the story of the man who hide his talent in the ground? I pity them. I am so sorry for those who will never know one instant in their lives in which they were fully satisfied in Christ alone. Oh, rapturous joy to know Him and be satisfied in Him! Oh how humbling to be offered the chance to risk all- knowing that all is really nothing! Great piles of earthly dung! HA!
"Let goods and kindred go- this mortal life also"- for it is NOTHING in the joyous light of the One who hung upon the cross for me! Hallelujah!